In a matter of a couple of weeks either side of Christmas, two young friends of mine have taken their own lives.
I say 'friends', because to call them 'acquaintences' would be disrespectful under the abrupt circumstances. They were not bosem-buddies, but I did not avoid them as I have some people in our pub. I just did not know them that well.
The one that I heard about tonight was an Italian musician. I saw him a week or so ago, and in the darkness, he accidentally stepped on a dog tethered to the bar and the dog yelped as dogs do to protect themselves from further mishap.
By way of a joke, I said to him, "You bastard!" He did not laugh.
How I wish I had consoled him about the small and insignificant event, but how are we to know the inside of people's heads?
How many people are gong to be affected by those two young men's suicides? Hundreds, if not thousands.
If I ever feel as though I want to end it all, I think of my responsibilities toward those who have shown and shared so much love to me in the past and, I hope, the future.
If you feel strong enough, then stick with it for the sake of your loved ones. After all, what is the worst that can happen to you?
There are two different types of suicide. One where the departed leaves us all wondering why, and couldn't we have done more. And another where the departed is thinking more of the sanity of their families than themselves. The latter is acceptable; the former not. I may not have explained this very well.
ReplyDeleteHave another go.
DeleteMy mother committed suicide when I was 36. She had suffered depression most of her adult life. 20 years on I still feel abandoned and angry. She wasn't a demonstrative person and never once said she loved me but she was my mum and I miss her to this day.
ReplyDeleteAs an only child it hits hard, there is no one to share the pain.
It is a tragic thing for all concerned.
I always try to be kind because as you say, we have no idea what goes on in someone's mind. Everyone's reality is unique to them.
May the two young people rest in peace and their families find peace too.
I'm sorry Christina. For some reason I missed your comment the first time. That is terrible for you. I cannot imagine what it must be like for a child.
DeleteYou've misunderstood Tom. I was 36. It doesn't matter how old you are, the sense of abandonment is still there. It's hard to accept that she chose to leave me. You just have to suck it up and get on with it. :)
DeleteAt the point of being suicidal all rational thought is gone.
ReplyDeleteYes, it must have. I have been told that there is an epidemic of young men killing themselves at the moment.
DeleteSo true, Rachel. I've lost two friends to suicide. It's bewildering and deeply upsetting. Sorry for your loss, Tom.
DeletePeter has been suicidal and he is the one who told me. There is no question of any rational thought whatsoever at the time. The person you knew is lost and gone when they reach that point.
DeleteMy middle son ( now 37 and about to be a father) lost 2 of his best friends to suicide. The first was just before they went to University and the 2nd was about 18 months later.The first had been on malaria medicines, and there was an issue with a girlfriend, but the 2nd had no known reason. He did it in his bedroom for his mother to find ! Sadly a 3rd close friend died a couple of years later when a car pulled out in front of his bike. When the 1st boy died, the group of friends knew that there was something badly wrong..... he had stormed out of a pub, then visited his mother and said weird things, then went to his father's garage and took rope etc but his dad couldn't stop him from leaving. The friends were desperately trying to find him till about 1 in the morning. He was found hanging from a tree on the common early morning and myself and another Mum had to go and tell our boys the news, as they had gone off for a band practice.....difficult time all round.
ReplyDeleteIt's all so ghastly.
DeleteI subscribe to the view suicide can be likened to " fighting cancer" we often say " they fought their illness well and finally lost their battle against it"
ReplyDeleteThe same can ( but not obviously not always ) be said of suicide ....
For many the final act of self harm comes at the end of a long battle with depression, abuse and self loathing....
For many it is just too hard to carry on
I didn't know either of these two well enough to be able to say what it was.
DeleteI have raised children, buried a very young brother in law, been hired and fired etc but I really felt an adult the day an old friend lost her son to suicide.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you have to look back on that quip about the dog. It's not a big thing in the scheme of things but it shows how the sadness and regret just ripples out and out.....
Yes, I know it wasn't a big gaff, but at the time I didn't think he would do anything but laugh. Still, he was Italian not British, so animal jokes might not go down the same way as with us pet-obsessed English.
DeleteI think John may have said it best. You can not know what is in another person mind and I always wonder why there was an absence of hope in their lives.
ReplyDeleteIt is heart breaking for families and friends that I know.
Cro's take is hard reading, but I know about it. My brother's most heart wrenching statement to me was "I'll never be me again." But he knew in one of those moments of madness he could kill. He chose the alternative.
ReplyDeleteReally clear: he knew he would kill someone else. He chose to kill himself.
DeleteThat is about as close to honorable as you could get under those circumstances.
DeleteMy son was suicidal in his early 20s, but sought help and thankfully, got it. He is 29 now and happy in his life. He doesn't remember that much of that time, but I do, every second of it. Agony.
ReplyDeleteIf I was emotionally stronger I would love to be a counsellor, but it's not viable.
I have a friend who recently make a half hearted attempt to end her life. There is no answer really is there - half of me feels that one should have complete autonomy over one's own life - but the other half thinks one must consider the role of others.
ReplyDeleteThere are some corrections to make to this post, but not tonight.
ReplyDeleteI battled with depression for 6 years in my late 20s before I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's thyroiditis. A black tunnel and the worse years of my life, for me and for my loved ones, also because we lived on the 6th floor of a 10 floor building. Life has thrown me another struggle but I'm coping better than I would had it been depression which I think think is the worse illness to overcome.
ReplyDeleteGreetings Maria x
I hope you overcome all of it, Maria.
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