Thursday, 18 October 2012

Yet more humour


I was going to take down the last couple of posts, but now that John has put up a link to them (thank you) I'll leave them where they are.

His subject matter about the humorous funeral reminded me of Joe Orton's filmed funeral where everyone is chasing an out-of-control hearse at about 80 mph, and also of the story below - which I know I already told a couple of years ago, but am putting up for the sake of anyone who has not heard it, or just forgotten it due to old age.

An old boy who was a member of the shooting club that I am about to un-join, died a few years ago, and his family came up with a novel way of scattering his ashes.

About twenty of us shooters all stood in a line next to a field, with muzzell-loading shotguns, or breech-loading ones with cartridges filled with the what was left of the deceased member, as his entire family looked on in silence.

At a given signal, the gun on the end of the line fired and as soon as he did so, the gun next to him fired, and so on down the line in a sustained volley which took about a minute.

As always happens with the scattering of loved-one's ashes, the wind was against us and by the time we had all discharged our weapons, we were covered in head to foot with the old boy and looked like we had spent the day in a flour-mill.

We then had to wait in line as his widow thanked and shook the hand of each us, trying not to laugh.

As the four generations of his family got into their cars to leave, someone quietly started singing, "I'm going to wash that man right out of my hair..."

26 comments:

  1. At the funeral of a homosexual friend he had requested that the innings open with 'Zadock the Priest'....all very emotional until the choir reached the verse...May the Queen live forever...
    Brilliant funeral.

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    1. Ha! Makes a change from 'Burn', by whatshisface.

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  2. At my father's funeral we had a strange woman standing at the back sobbing...and then she asked to speak. It was the barmaid from his local!

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    1. There will be about 30 of those at mine - and all of them untouched (by me).

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    2. ....untouched........pah
      manhandled more like
      xx

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    3. Only in inappropriate places - like their bodies, for instance.

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    4. They have to be over 18 to work in pubs, remember.

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  3. Macabre but very funny Tom - I have heard lots of stories about scattering of ashes, but this is in a class of its own.

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    1. It's a Class One Shotgun certificate - not the same as a Firearms certificate, as him indoors will tell you.

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  4. Trust you to beat my funeral story!

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    1. This isn't a COMPETITION you know... is it?

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    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  5. That's actually a really cool way to go. Too bad that it 'backfired' on the shooters!

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    1. Ashes still kill at close range - it's the bits of bone that will penetrate.

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  6. My nephew belonged to a rocket cub. Nerdy young guys (and mostly very good looking) who built rockets and launched them. One member died (too young, mid twenties) and they shot him into the heavens, too. I know you will find out there are a whole lot of funeral stories to be told.

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    1. That's a good way to drop yourself on someone else - at 500 feet, the wind will do the job.

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  7. Brilliant. I love that story as much as John's.

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  8. Between you and john I have had a great laugh today :)

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  9. I didn't realise until my second reading of that story what was being shot out of the guns, brilliant! Much better than being mixed with cocaine and snorted by your son.

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    1. I hadn't thought of that. Is it called a nose-burial?

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  10. Too funny! Now I have to go read the other stories.

    Kat

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